god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
