from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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