Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
