legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
