Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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