Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
