do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
