Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
