I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
