I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
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