she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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