but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
