omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
