If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
