Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
