:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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