so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Your topless pictures make me question reality
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
