hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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