her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
