I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
