I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
