piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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