When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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