so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
These tits shall not be calmed
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
