we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
So squirting runs in the family.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
