dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
