he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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