Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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