Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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