If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
