I just saw a hot homeless man
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
