Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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