I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
