I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
