Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I am naked and annoyed.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
