I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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