After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
