WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
