still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
They have beer where we have blood.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
