He is such a slut. More and more my type.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
