Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
