The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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