My first STD was from a foam party
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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