I feel like I'm in dance class right now
It's like God shit irony all over that family
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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