I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
