I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
