i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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