Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Never joke about your clitoris.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
