I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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