There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
