booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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