did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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