I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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