JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
