The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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