so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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