No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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