Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
