I have demons in me.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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